In montagna, part 3: the back of your neck

As part of this whole climb-frigging-mountains-in-really-clompy-shoes extravaganza, we are staying overnight in a hostel. This is an exciting experience, because I've never stayed in a hostel with a bunch of strangers before. (Well, okay, my friend is there too... but also a bunch of strangers). Despite concerns over whether or not it will be a disgusting filthy hole where I will be scared to shower, I am game. It will be exciting.

It turns out to be kind of a field study on how Italians operate. First of all, you know those Havaianas flip-flops? I have two pairs, and have happily worn them out to do my grocery shopping and other stuff casual stuff here in Italy... or to do pretty much anything, really, in America. You should know that Italians use them as house shoes. We get into the room, and people start unpacking. I'm in the room with my friend and three other ladies and one man, and five pairs of Havaianas in various colors plop down onto the floor, one after the other. I watch them out of the corner of my eye and carefully unpack a towel to pass the time. I have packed only my (new! sexy!) hiking boots and a pair of decent-looking flip-flops for all other purposes. I have not packed another pair to use as house shoes. Oops.

We go on our hike around the distinclty non-flat island, scrabbling up what seem like kilometers and kilometers up vertically oriented rock, only to rest on another big rock that slopes gently down into nothingness. Okay, full disclosure: it actually slopes gently down into nothingness and then the sea is about three hundred meters below that. But it might as well just be nothingness. With rocks at the bottom.

Then we sit in a piazzetta and eat focaccia and drink lambrusco and listen to one of the group leaders singing in dialect. This is vastly entertaining, and if I could remember all the words to this one song, I'm pretty sure that I could swear quite crudely in Bolognese. Sadly, I can't remember the words to the song, and I'm not sure just humming the tune would have the same effect. Pity.

Next, it is time for bed. I politely let everyone else use the bathroom before me, sitting on the edge of my bed, which creaks but seems clean and contains no bugs (I checked). They all slip on their specially designated pair of flip-flops, and shuffle into the bathroom and run the water for a while and then come back out and climb into bed. I sit and listen to the guy whose singing can still be heard from the piazzetta, floating in through the open window.

Finally, after my turn, we are all ready and in bed. I am about to start wishing people a good night and get on with the business of trying to sleep, but it is a good thing that my words come out slowly because we are not actually ready for sleeping. There is one more problem to resolve.

"Ma, come facciamo per la finestra?" (What are we going to do about the window?) says one of the Italians. We all turn our eyes to the window. I can't quite tell what's wrong with it - it's open about three inches and a nice breeze is coming through it, along with that guy's singing. For a moment, I wonder if they are offended by the singing, and consider saying that he will probably stop soon. I mean, he has to get up tomorrow, too, just like the rest of us.

Again, it is a good thing I keep my mouth shut, because that is not the problem, either.

"You're right. If we leave it like that, the breeze will come in, and then... the back of your neck..." one woman trails off uncertainly and another one picks up where she left off.

"Yes, if it gets the back of your neck in the wrong way...."

"Yes. We're definitely not wearing warm enough pajamas for that," finishes off another. She's wearing long pants that look fleecy, and a sweatshirt.

All five of them look warily at the window, as if it they had caught it conspiring against them on purpose. No, seriously, though. I wish I had videotaped this scene. It's like the facial expression that people do in scary movies for kids when a door creaks open and everyone suspects a ghost or whatever will come through. Except this was an innocent window with the pleasant warmth of Liguria in mid-May on the other side.

In the end, after a few long moments of staring significantly at the window, someone does the brave thing and closes it. Then they comment for a while on how that is a good decision, and can you imagine what state we would have been in the next day if we had left it open?!

Thank goodness we dodged that one.

The next morning, it is a little grey and window out, and threatens rain.

"But will it be safe to hike?" I ask, somewhat intimidated by the big storm clouds rolling determinedly across the sky. I'm picturing those vertical-ish and gently-sloping-into-nothingness rocks from yesterday, except now slippery with rain. It is not a pretty picture. I'm clumsy to start with. I do not want to break an ankle. Or my spine. Or fall off altogether and die in the nothingness.

"Yes, of course!" says one guy heartily. "You just need some good shoes and your sticks!"

I don't have sticks.

In the end, it isn't actually that slippery. So, we climb up and up and up and up and then across those gently-sloping rocks (more of them, and still pretty much into nothingness) and it is as I am holding my breath to get across one, hoping that this will either help me balance and not fall off, or otherwise just avoid nervous breakdown, that I notice the two women in front of me are gamely trotting across the thing while hurriedly pulling their jackets on.

"Yes, now that we're sweating..." says one of them.

"Definitely. If the breeze hits the back of our necks while we're sweating..."

I don't roll my eyes, because then I would probably fall of the rock. But... really?

In Montagna, part 2: Practically Flat

The island in question, it transpires, is not flat. In fact, it is kind of hill-ish. With rocks and stuff.

Nonetheless, after a fortifying and delicious dinner of fish (fish that is both fresh and well prepared: so. good.), veggies, foccacia, and farinata, we cross over to the island on a ferry and commence climbing.

I am still busy admiring the view when I practically bump into a thigh-high rock. I look at the rock. I locate the sounds of the voices of the people in front of me. They are on top of the rock, and climbing still more rocks. In fact, there appears to be a series of such rocks. I can't even see where it ends. Right, then.

I climb the rocks too. And you know what? I almost don't dare say it, but... it's not actually so exceedingly hard. It's just hard enough that it's a nice challenge and the muscles in your thighs sometimes go "hey, we're climbing rocks!" and you definitely have to pay attention to where you're putting your feet (in the interest of not falling off the rocks in question) but it's not impossible. Win.

Also, this is the view from atop the rocks. Win and win, no?


Also, wearing a lamp on your head is like being a little car with headlights. Or having a glow-in-the-dark forehead. Or being Rudolph. Or something. It's pretty spiffy. At one point, we all sit down and turn the lights off and listen to the waves crashing on the rocks below and the seagulls calling to one another. Some of the Italians call wisecracks back to the seagulls, in that way that only Italians can. (Not that I've surveyed the whole world, but so far, no one does it quite like Italians. Or maybe it's the language that works really well for it...) Anyway, it's near-on blissful.

Back on the mainland, after descending from the island and the ferry ride home, I plop myself down on a low wall around the mini-piazza in front of the hostel where we are staying, suddenly feeling all of that scaling-of-rocks in my legs. Someone hands me a glass of prosecco and a piece of focaccia and the group leader whips out a guitar. First they sing a toast. (No, really. It was brilliant. Like in a cheesy movie about happy mandolin-wielding Italians.) Then they sing a song in Bolognese dialect. Then in Genovese (in honor of us being in Liguria, see). Then a whole slew of them in Reggiano. Apparently they are songs of the slightly-less-than-tasteful variety, because everyone is in stitches. I can't understand more than half of it, but I'm more than happy just to hang out in a rock-scaling-and-prosecco-induced haze and lesson to the tune of it.

After some time, one of the other group leaders sits down next to me.

"So, did you like it?"

Me (enthusiastically): "Yeah, definitely! That was great! And the view was so beautiful!"

Him: "Yeah, that was a pretty good climb. Definitely a good view, but I guess it usually is, if you go 180 meters off the ground, right?"

Me (having no concept of how tall 180 meters is): "Yeah, definitely." (I have a quick glance back over at the island - specifically, at the top of it. Guess that's 180 meters.)

Him: "Well, tomorrow will be even better!"

Me (casually, to belie the thought that's just occurred to me): "Yeah? So how high up will it be tomorrow?"

Him: "Oh, about 600 meters. You did great today for your first climb, by the way!"

"Mm-hm," I murmur vaguely.

I have another glance at that island, and picture those "not so hard" rocks we just climbed. Then I attempt to conceive of how high 600 meters might be, and fail.

"It'll be awesome!" he adds, slipping off the wall and bidding me good night.

I'm sure it will.

In Montagna, part one

If you ask Italians (or maybe it's just Emiliani, I'm not sure) about their weekend plans, they will frequently tell you that they're going "in montagna". I never really understood this, and I also never really understood the point of the question "do you prefer the mountains or the sea?" with regards to vacationing, because the area in America where I grew up is pretty similar to what some Italians mean when they say "mountains". (They seem to use "montagna" to refer to both actual mountains (e.g. the Dolomiti) and just kind of hilly areas (e.g. the parts of the province of Reggio near to the Appennini, where it isn't quite so flat). I grew up in a kind of hilly, forest-y area, and running around in the trees and fresh air was an every-day-after-school kind of thing, not a take-all-your-camping-stuff-up-to-the-mountains kind of thing. So I've always said "sea" in answer to the preference question, and never really gave the "montagna" or even the very possessive "nostre colline" (hills) any further thought.

I don't even have a very specific idea of what it is that Italians do up there in the mountains. Have picnics? (Probably not - I can't imagine eating out of doors and not at a table would be considered good for digestion.) Wear fancy Moncler* jackets and sip mulled wine while watching the snow fall? Play some sort of vertically-oriented soccer? I do know that some of them go hunting, and others go mushroom picking, but surely not all of them? And not all year round? Boh. I always thought it was too stupid a question to ask anyone. (Probably this is one thing I was actually right about, come to think of it.)

It transpires that some of them go hiking. (Probably this was obvious, but since when have I ever been observant enough for the obvious?) Adorably, they call it going "camminare" (walking), as in "io cammino da quando avevo 10 anni" - I've been walking (hiking) since I was 10.

And this is how I was introduced to it. Or, should I say, to the official version. (In my backyard, hiking involved grabbing a granola bar and some water and seeing if you've got your shoes tied, and then wandering down the hill and up the other hill and trying not to get wet in the river, and if you come out the other side of the forest in a part of town you know, so much the better! If not, just come back the way you came. In retrospect, I have no idea how this was considered safe, unless the forest is actually a lot smaller than I thought and you couldn't possibly have come out wrong... hm... something to ask the parents...)

Anyway, my friend and I are sitting in a cafe in Reggio enjoying a delightful insalata di farro and catching one fine Sunday when she remembers that she had something cool to tell me. It is that she has discovered a hiking group through some other friends of hers, and that they are planning a very cool weekend trip to Portovenere to hike around the island opposite (name: Palmaria) in the moonilght and then another hike to Riomaggiore the next morning. I nod. Portovenere, the beginning of the Cinque Terre (where I have somehow never been yet) and some hiking around an island thrown in? Yes. Good plan.

"So, d'you want to do it?" she asks.

"Yeah, why not?" I say.

We go to get some more information in the hiking shop sponsoring the trip.

The man is speaking dialect, which makes things tricky, but I somehow more or less manage to grasp that we will need hiking shoes. I can't tell if he is just trying to sell us hiking shoes or if we will really need hiking shoes, but whatever. Hiking shoes are probably good to have, and also they can double as snow boots. Win. We allow him to plop us down onto benches and start putting enormous boots onto our feet. (Note to women who wish they had dainty feet: there is nothing that makes you feel like your feet are small and dainty than looking at them next to huge hiking boots. Just don't look at them once you actually have the shoes on.)

"So, is it a difficult hike, then?" I ask casually. I am standing rather precariously on a weird slanty thing which seems to be meant to pitch you forward, flat onto your face, but apparently is really meant to allow you test whether your toes touch the front of the shoes when you're going downhill. Apparently that is not favorable. I am trying to appear carefree and confident, but really I am mostly focused on not falling off the weird slanty thing.

"No, no," the man reassures us, "it'll be easy, even for beginners! The island, for one, is practically flat!" I do not notice that he has not commented on the other part of the hike. The Portovenere to Riomaggiore one. I am not very slick, clearly.

The man hands me a pair of socks that seem thick enough that you practically wouldn't even need actual shoes, and tells me that they will protect my wimpy amateur feet from blisters and moisture and rocks and god knows what else. Excellent.

"Right then, you're all set," he says (I think - he's switched back to dialect, so it's hard to be sure). "Unless... you've got some sort of light, right?" he asks us. My friend and I look at each other. I re-adjust my grip on the huge cardboard box containing my huge new hiking shoes in it.

"Well, a flashlight," she says.

"You sure you don't want a headlamp?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh. Um..." I say graciously. It seems my brain is unable to both conceive of myself with a headlamp on and speak coherent Italian at the same time.

"Why - is it better to have a headlamp?" my friend clearly does not have similar difficulties. (I want to be a little defensive and say this might be because she is actually Italian, but really it is probably because I don't actually speak that coherently under normal circumstances anyway...)

"Well," says the man, "yeah, because then you can have both hands free."

We both nod, and say we'll take headlamps as well, and it doesn't occur to me until we're outside of the store to ask why, if the island is so flat and the hike is so easy, we would need both hands free.


*Just fyi I had to google "Moncler" to check that I was spelling it right (it seems like there would be a 't' in there, but apparently not) and the website describes them as French and the quintessence of down jackets. Quintessence is an excellent word, definitely, but.... really? The quintessence of down jackets?